Tuesday, October 30, 2007

{Melts to the ground}


A guy gave me this handmade card in church on sun

I was so touched

I gave him back a piece of paper thanking him
and he was so happy
Simple Measures that can make us so happy(:

fel was shaking her ass at 11:26 PM

Monday, October 29, 2007

DUMDUMDUM DUMMM

i'm taking subjects:

EAP- English for academic purposes
Tuesday November 20 9.30 am 3 hrs 10 mins

Math1 (i need to do well for this)
Wednesday November 21 9.30 am 3 hrs

Lit
Thursday November 22 9.30 am 3 hrs

HOI- History of ideas
( some weird subject that make us write essays on topics such as post modernism,civil rights,liberal democracy....i got no idea don't ask me)
Friday November 23 9.30 am 3 hrs 10 mins

Math2
Thursday November 29 9.30 am 3 hrs 10 mins

Physics
Tuesday December 4 9.30 am 3 hrs 10 mins

Please please pray for me. I'll need all the prayer i can get.

i won't deny i "gripped" back again (previous post)
I'm finding really hard to: Let go, Let God.

cos honestly, i did. for my previous term's papers and yes, they ended up crap. real crap.
also, because, honestly, i don't study for myself or God, i study for my parents. i have no what so ever desire to get a degree. i find that there's more/better things to be done than spending so much time studying. (like saving people's lives?)

BUT, that's a whole other topic.

my parents are not giving me ANY pressure at all. just to be clear.
but it's just i just that feel very obliged to perform (or at least get into melb uni)
life isn't always smooth sailing and God probably has some reason for doing that.
I'm learning to let go.
i told God that it's ok even though i don't get into melb uni and end up in RMIT or monash
cos at least, I'll be doing courses that I'll probably enjoy a lot a lot more than the ones that I'll probably take in melb uni.
but then again, i was sent to melb to get into a good uni

but when i thought abt my results, future, parents
i gripped again.

pls pray

fel was shaking her ass at 5:45 PM

Saturday, October 27, 2007

It's not Just Exams

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

Lord, you heard my prayers. you know i really need/want to do well for my exams this time. you know how much this means to me. but i prayed lord, that it's ok even if i don't do well this time; for you know what's best for me. you said we are your people and we will be filled with your treasures and promises. i will no doubt still be anxious or worried abt my exams but i will lift them up to you. i give you my future. because i know you only want the best for me

fel was shaking her ass at 11:53 PM

Thursday, October 25, 2007

devil is unhapppyy

was talking to my mum earlier and basically, the devil was unhappy!
cos if some of you know, things were not going well bwt the both of us.
anw, things have been improving a lot and i was talking to my mum luh. aannd my Internet just kept cutting off.
cos it's rather rare that i will call my mum and talktalk (if you get what i mean) to my mum!

i restarted my com and during the process, what i felt was tt the devil is unhappy! it came to me that this is an example of the devil being unhappy and the kind of attacks he will subject to.

cos I've been doing well emotionally/spiritually and he's unhappy with that. so it came to me that the devil is attacking me in the area of my studies luh. because all along I've been studying reallyreally hard for my exams( i've NEVER studied so hard in my life!) but my results are just crap luh( if you want to put it that way).
so, basically, the devil is attacking me in that area cos he(or she or it. ok...i dunno) knows that that is one of my weak spots luh. cos he know that i feel VERY obliged to do well cos my parents have been paying so much money for me to come over here(i realised that if i miss 1 class, i waste AU$40) and basically i gave myself a lot of pressure to perform luh
andd...i just break down if i don't do well. i just get so affected by it.
and I'm glad God told me that. it made me very happy. cos i knew that i have something that the devil is unhappy abt!

so, (with the com still restarting), i said out loud: "devil, you've failed."
cos, i knew that he's attacking me cos he doesn't like what i have.
he turned off my Internet cos he was unhappy that i was talking to my mum and basically he failed! cos now i know that he's just attacking my weak spots(my whole results an exams thing) and i benefited so much cos he turned off my Internet and now, i am free! i know that on my part, all i need to do is study and God will overcome the devil for me!

so, basically, devil. you failed! HAHA.


God is so BIG


(oh! my Internet worked right after that)

fel was shaking her ass at 6:54 PM

Sunday, October 21, 2007

GEEK ALERT!

became MEGA NERD today and went to study at the melb uni library.
omgosh...YES!!! on a Sunday! there was a lot of people too!
stayed there till like five. until the crazy Indian guy kept saying
sorry but the library is closing 30,15,5min,
sorry but you have to leave now, no let me repeat sorry but you have to leave now!( just imagine a weird Indian accent, if you get what i mean. it's not my fault! i cant possibly record and paste here)
omgosh talk abt pushing
and yes, I'm in this crapping mood. thanks to venetia su whom was the faithful geek that totally looked like she was going to the beach rather than the library to study, that sat with me in the darn library studying for 2hrs before the Indian guy started harping

anw, I've also just been in this i-don't-want-to socialise mood. refusing to go for PS. went ytd for some fund raiser thing for world vision. couldn't take it and went home earlier.
so/too many people!
cannot lar.
i guess i need "me" day again
ppl have been asking me to go for this, go for that
and would just go: "go and die"
in my head
OF COURSE!
I'm too nice to say it
thank you thank you
see! i told you! it's venetia su. bad influence. tsktsktsk
okok...stop Felisha ng
you're old and mature
you need not be influenced by bad company

ANYWAY, back to the go-and-die and refusing-to-socialise thing
ah yar...i guess i just need time for myself i guess
too many events, too little studying,
too much pressure
leave me alone luh
sorry. i mean i cant help it
i know i should go for the darn church camp(which is right smack in my awesome/wonderful and lovely exams) and yes! i know i can go during the weekends for like only 2 hours (this is where the go and die part comes in)
but the thing is, I'll probably be too tired and falling asleep in the sermon or just worrying and looking at the time, probably charging at the door like some mad bull once the preacher is done.
i also know that i should put God first, before everything but I'm like.......er ok...i dunno.
and i also know that they are just encouraging me and being nice
BUT STOP IT!
please lar...don't push me anymore can..

and i also know that i should be at my lovely friend's baptism today instead of crapping away my precious time.
but just
NO THANKS!

i don't need more crowds

i feel as if everyone wants a piece of me(sounds very...whatever)
but it's true luh
everybody misses me, everybody wants me around
i know this probably sounds very....proud or whatever
but I'm just sick of it lar

i mean it's good that i got friends that want to see me
but it's just plain exhausting at times
i guess i just don't want to hang out in crowds now
a lot of effort is needed in socialising

the thing is i really want to spend time with everybody
but it's so tiring
there's this clique in school whom are my lunch mates on tues and thurs
but i don't spend any/what-so-ever time with them
sometimes not even on both days
the thing is, there's a lot of opportunity and potential (if you want to call it) in leading them to Christ
but i just don't have the time to get to know them personally
hai...
and yes, i know i will regret it
i will regret not trying to get to know them so that they will become...you know...a christian.
two of them are stagnant Christians
one just accepted a few weeks ago but doesn't want to go to church now
i mean...i see the chance there but i just....i dunno
i think right....if i were to ever leave here anytime/now,
one of the few regrets I'll have is not getting to know them better

fel was shaking her ass at 6:57 PM

Saturday, October 20, 2007

There's more to me than my old school!

Why are we being judged by what school we come from? like seriously.

my friend's parents came over and one of the first questions that they asked me was
what school did i come from?

wanna know my reply?

"oh! nah....i come from a neighbourhood school. north vista sec in seng kang. in the north, north east side of spore?"

and i got a blank look

i mean it's ok that they asked me that qns, after all, it's probably a very Singaporean thing to do
it's also ok that they gave me that blank look cos honestly, my sch is seriously unknown.
but what set me thinking was; why don't you ask me about me?
i mean i have so much more to offer rather than what school i came from
a lot of you will probably not be able to feel what I'm talking abt because you're probably clever enough to get into a reputable school
but a lot of you will know EXACTLY what I'm talking abt

i couldn't help feeling sooo incredibly self conscious after they asked me that qns
i mean, I'm sorry!
i cant help it!
do you have any idea how it feels to be discriminated EVERY time everyone asks you that qns and go: "oh." ?
do you have any idea how it feels to be not able to hold your head up high? esp in a crowd of insane clever people?
do you have ANY idea how it feels to feel as though you've let your parents down?
do you have any idea how it feels when your parents' friends asks them about our schools and your school doesn't get mentioned at all?

honestly lah...there's so much more to everyone than their freaking grades or their freaking schools.
for one, I know that I'VE something to offer that is wayyy better than my grades
so, why not ask ME about ME?

fel was shaking her ass at 12:26 AM

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.

A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecc 3: 1-8

fel was shaking her ass at 1:03 AM

Saturday, October 13, 2007

LookingBack

heh.
i realised i'm going to laugh at all my previous posts and the "moments" i had
yeah...i know
sometimes, i may sound rather childish/rash/ridiculous or just plain stupid
but i guess that's part of growing up. i guess
afterall, i'm only seventeen
hee

fel was shaking her ass at 8:53 PM

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

I'm sick of not doing well
I've cried so many times, it's not pain anymore.
i really did put in a lot of effort
I'm sorry I've failed you
why is it that some people are just so smart, they do well all the time?
I've alrdy decided to give you my future, but
why is it that I'm able to excel so well socially, spiritually and emotionally but just happen to suck big time in the one thing that i was sent here for? why cant you just help me answer to my parents. the one and only thing that i feel so very obliged to do

fel was shaking her ass at 9:52 PM

Monday, October 08, 2007

got back math today I'm sorry.
bugger I've failed you again
didn't do well AGAIN maybe you're just wasting money on me. too much money
:\ but i really tried my best. I'm sorry
and it's only the first paper so far. great I'm sorry. i really am.

fel was shaking her ass at 9:42 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2007

i did communion today. and it was fun! like seriously.
i mean although i got the jibbers when i was on stage but it was ultimately very fun!
heh heh
it turned out not bad actually
letmetellyouletmetellyou!

okok....firstly, i asked the audience to form into groups of 3 or 4 and i told them to share their answers to 2 qns abt communion with each other which honestly was just a tactic to drag time.
hehehehe

then i shared abt Restoration, Renewal and Perfection which was what we learnt in lifegrp last Fri

i explained that restoration because sometimes when I've strayed away or know that I've strayed away, communion is a time where i calm myself down and actually tell myself that it's time to restore myself back to him. yeah!

then renewal was for the times when i feel weary or tired and i just need a time of refreshing to renew or refresh me! and ultimately i will feel better and closer to God i guess

perfection was for the times if I've all along been rather faithful and in touch with him but because we're human, we still have many lil' details that we need to edit. so communion is also a time when i tell God that i want to perfect myself for him because i guess God deserves only the best of us and I'm sure like on our part we also want to give him only the best of ourselves!

AHHHH....some people said they liked they idea of the forming into groups thing which was an idea i got from PS. (heh heh.) the plus-es in attending 2 churches. and I'm NOT very free. i don't attend PS when I'm not free okayyyy... they should know it anw. they literally don't see me AT ALL when I'm busy. or when i need time to myself. like now! ANYWAY, back to the group idea thing, they said it was good cos it actually made people think abt what communion actually means to them instead of sitting on the comfy chairs and shutting off after 2mins. (ok...i added the comfy chairs part). but the thing that made me rather irritated or nervous actually was that some people were too lazy and didn't move their butt out of their chair to talk! they just sat there and stared blankly at me! or the floor. hai....

but it's ok luh. that wont put out my fire.

and they said they msg was good cos it was broken down very well and the correct words were used. so, it was simple and easy to understand i guess.

ok...i feel like I'm self praising
ANYWAY, it was very fun! and i want to do it again! hee

fel was shaking her ass at 8:48 PM

Thursday, October 04, 2007

on second tohught, i'm too lazy to do the password thing. hai.... that's so me.

ANYWAY, i went to the park a few days ago, layed down on the grass, read book. alone. nicccceeee BUT COLD!
decided to take pics for BELL YEO HWEE HWEE





somehow everything just looks so incredibly different from the actual stuff.
natural beauty.

fel was shaking her ass at 9:52 PM

mornington trip was fun(: except that it was cold larr. hmmm.. we went to the cheese factory, chocolate factory, strawberry place, some really nice scenery place. there's pictures, but i'm too lazy to upload them so i'll steal them from my friend's blog. shhh...


***i'm going to put a password thing for this. so just ask me for it. dont worry, i'll be more than happy to give it to you. even if you're some wierd random guy that is

fel was shaking her ass at 3:02 AM

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I'm terrified.
I'm terrified of you.

fel was shaking her ass at 10:51 AM

Monday, October 01, 2007

i got a secret to tell you
i think my sis will scream
(with joy that is)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
my favourite colour is
pink!
don't worry people
I'm not that extreme like my sis
and
i still refuse to wear pink
also,
please don't assume:
"ohhhh felisha's getting more girly eh...."
-.-
it's just a colour.

fel was shaking her ass at 11:01 AM